


Teacher's Pet

by thenewnationalanthem (moxielovesshipping)



Series: 10+ Chapter fics [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Addiction, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Student/Teacher, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Conflict, Conflict of Interests, Denial of Feelings, Drug Abuse, Drug Withdrawal, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Explicit Language, Forbidden Relationships, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Mild Smut, Oh My God, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Recovery, Rehabilitation, Secret Relationship, Self-Denial, Self-Hatred, Suggestive Themes, Teacher-Student Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships, lying, secret meetings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-26
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-05 02:07:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11003760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxielovesshipping/pseuds/thenewnationalanthem
Summary: "Cause one man's trash is another man's treasure, the way that he made me feel was better than ever. He told me he loved me, he meant it forever. And I love him, cause he loves me. That's all I've ever wanted, was to feel loved." -Damn Dog by NeverShoutNever





	1. My Chemical Romance

**Author's Note:**

> Ahaaaaaaaaaa i think I'm a compulsive liar. But this is a draft i forgot to post tbh. Whoops.

Jack stared at the dry erase board, blue eyes glazed over with indifference as he watched his teacher make gentle strokes with his black marker. His hand moved at it's own accord, taking down shorthand notes of everything the engineer wrote down.

His head was far in the clouds, but he was there enough to register Daisee's voice.

  
"Are you alright?"

"Hm? Yeah, m'fine Daisee. Why?"

"Your notes went to shit like 3 minutes ago."

Jack looked down at his paper, and only scratches and oblong lines covered it. He cursed silently under his breath and sighed, Daisee gave him a worried look.

"Jack you better not be taking those _goddamn_ pills again." She whispered, and Jack gave her an eyebrow in wonder.

"What pills, Daisee?"

She frowned up and stared at him in fury. " _ **Dammit**_ Jack, I thought you quit." She accused, and Jack shrugged as he took a sip of coffee.

"Can't quit what I never started, Daisee."

" _ **Jack McLough**_ -"

"Jack? Daisee? Something you'd like to share with us?" Mr. Fischbach said, and Jack looked at him with lidded eyes, a small smirk on his face.

"Not at fuckin' all." He said, and gasps and giggles alike rang through the room. Jack watched as Mr. Fischbach narrowed his eyes at him, then glanced over at Daisee who was currently boiling with anger.

  
Jack was indifferent.

"I'd like to speak to you after class, Jack. I'm sure you don't have anywhere important to be after this." He finally said, and Jack lifted his hand and waved it in dismissive agreement. He turned back to his board and continued is lecture, ignoring Jack's piercing blue eyes burning into him.

  
Class let out shortly after, and Daisee stood up from her chair, muttering to Jack she'd 'see him at lunch' as she stormed out of the classroom.

Jack kept a smile plastered onto his face as he approached the front of the classroom, his surroundings were quiet and idle around him with the scattering of his classmates. Once they had all died down, Mr. Fischbach turned around to Jack, leaning his back against the wall next to the chalkboard.

"What's this rumor about you taking pills?"

Jack smiled, plopping down in the stool across from Mark. "Hm. I don't recall."

"Jack, I don't like liars. Are you using drugs?"

"I don't think that's any of yer business then, is it?"

"I have to report it to the _police_ , Jack. That's the law."

"Do what ye want," Jack shrugged, standing up and walking towards Mark, "they won't find a damn thing on me." He giggled, and Mark furrowed his brow.

"Jack, if you are abusing drugs, that is in _direct_ violation of your attendance here. You _cannot_ attend this school if you are doing this, you understand that, correct?"

"Hm, I understand it jus' fine. I jus' don't _care_." He spat, face inches away from Mark as his head swam with emotions. He stared into caring brown eyes, and they made his heart race. He kept his gaze steady, ignoring the way that Mark's cologne swirled in his memories. "That all ye needed, _professor_?"

"Very well." Mark says, uncrossing his arms and standing up straight. Jack chuckled at him, grabbing his bag and heading for the door. "One more thing, Jack."

Jack sighed and turned back around, widening his eyes at Mark's hand. There sat a bottle of pills, his pills, under another's name. How had he gotten those? "Wher-"

"Don't hide your drugs in plain sight. I'm alot smarter than you take me for, Jack. See you in my office, five minutes?" He smiled, and Jack grunted in anger as he walked up to him, grabbing at the pills.

"Give me my shit _Mark_."

" _Professor Fischbach_ to you, Mr. McLoughlin. See you in a few."

Jack sighed and rolled his eyes, storming out of the classroom with a slam. Other students stared at him, and he shot them evil glares like no other.

Fucking Mark, fucking up a good high.

He walked out of the STEM building and headed to Administrations, green hair flowing as he fumed with rage.

* * *

 

Mark sighed as he locked the pills back into his desk, twisting the key as his hands stopped shaking.

Jack was a good kid, right?

He hadn't meant to come off so strong, but he knew this was a bad route for Jack to go. He had opted to persuade Jack to seek help as soon as he heard about it from Daisee, but it seemed like he would have to do this on his own.

Mark was by no means a vigilante, but Jack was a special person, and Mark felt like he could give the world so much more than he thinks.

He took a seat in his chair as he heard a soft knock, fixing his flannel and hair as he turned away from his computer.

"Come in."

In came Jack, green hair aloft from walking in the wind, face red and splotchy from the sweat. Or the drugs. Mark had no idea. He sat down in front of Mark, looking nonplussed.

"Can I have my shit back, now?"

"Jack, I'm trying to reason with you here. We both know this isn't acceptable behavior. I can't _give_ you the pills back."

"Why?" Jack mused, leaning forward in his chair. "It could be jus' between ye and I right? Nobody would even know."

" _I_ would know, Jack. I won't encourage your habit. This is serious. You need help. Do you even know what's in those?"

"A more important question is, do I _care_? They do their job well enough. Why don't ye do yers?"

"Jack, you and I both know you aren't taking them for them to do their job. Taking these pills won't take anything away, they just make you numb and sleepy."

"If only permanent sleep was a side effect." Jack mumbled, and Mark frowned.

"Jack, what has gotten you thinking like this? Did something happen _here_? Are you being bullied?"

Jack scoffed. "I wish it were that easy. Are ye gonna give me th' pills back er what? Ye _want_ somethin' from me, dontcha?" Jack narrowed his eyes, and Mark's frown deepened.

" _Excuse_ me?"

"What? Ye _like_ me or somethin'? Want me ta go around bein' yer little teacher's pet, hidin' my relationship with ye like in the movies?" Jack spat, and Mark's eyes were wide with the accusation.

"You think I'm trying to blackmail you into sleeping with me? Jack, we are the same age. If I wanted to ask you out, don't you think I'd do it directly?"

"Askin' me out and usin' me ta fuck is two different things. Trust me, I know." Jack sighed, and Mark reached out to touch his hand, slowly, but surely.

"Jack. I just want to help you. You're very bright and capable of staying in this school. I'd hate to see you get removed because of some silly pill habit. Your grades are slipping, and your absences are piling up. I've talked to your other professors and they agree." Mark breathed, and Jack looked at him in a daze.

"I can't...it's-that's the only way I can _smile_." Jack whispered, and Mark looked at him with deep wonder.

"Other things can make you smile, Jack. You just need to _look_ for them. Listen, I'll give you my number, okay? I will help you get through this, but you have to _want_ to. Do you _want_ my help, Jack?"

Jack continued to stare for a minute, gathering his thoughts as he exhales deeply. "Okay."

Mark let go of a breath he had no idea he was holding and quickly grabbed a sticky note, writing down his number and handing it to Jack. "Go sleep that dose off and text me later, okay?"

Jack nodded, playing with the sticky note in his hands as he steadied his breathing. He gave Mark a polite smile as he exited, balling the note up in his hand and heading back to his dorm for yet another dose.


	2. All Time Low

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack makes a mistake, and Mark is fixing it.

Jack had never **meant** to take half the bottle.

It just sort of... _happened_.

He smiled lazily at his professor's phone number, his handwriting was gorgeous and professional.

Jack should call him.

Jack's head hurt.

 _Ow_.

Jack scrambled for his phone, vision blurred completely as the room around him spun. He gathered enough focus to dial the unfamiliar numbers, smile plastered on his face still.

The rings threatened to lull him to sleep, until a rough, deep voice broke his concentration.

"Hello?"

"Heeeyyyy Marrkkkyyy...."

"Jack? What are you doing awake at this hour?"

"I dunnooooo....nothin'. Thinkin'. " He said, and his throat lurched with pain.

"Jack? Are you okay?"

"M'fineeee...are youuu okay? Mr. _Fish-back_?" Jack laughed, and he heard Mark scoff.

"Jack are you high?" He asked sternly, and Jack frowned a bit at himself in the mirror, right before throwing up.

"Ow, that _hurts_." He mused, coughing as vomit and blood began to rush out of his mouth onto his hardwood floor.

"Where are you, Jack?"

"Yer _cute_ when yer concerned..." Jack smiled, quickly converting to a frown as he stumbled across the room.

Mark's voice was distant now as Jack's head swam. He was feeling a little sleepier than usual, but that was okay. It was all a side effect.

"...Jack? Can you hear me? **Jack** , I need you to tell me where you are, okay?"

"M....dorm..." Jack slurred, he steadied himself against his wall as his heart raced, opening his door in a blur. "Wha...?"

"Jack I'm coming to get you okay? _Jack...room...okay_?"

"Mmmm." Jack responded, he'd meant to say _help me_  as his body hit the floor, heart beating in his brain quickly as his vision went black.

"....Jack?!?!?" He heard, but his lips were too heavy to respond. He let his eyes close finally. Maybe a nap will do the trick...

* * *

  
Jack woke up in a hospital bed, and his head hurt. "Fuckin'..."

"You're awake." He heard a voice say, and he focused his eyes on a dark figure sitting in the corner.

"Mark? Th' hell are ye doin' here?" Jack said, trying to move himself but feeling the pull of a needle in his arm and wincing.

"I could ask you the same thing. What the hell were you thinking?? You could have _died_."

Jack's memories came flooding back to him as he smirked. "Guess it didn't work, huh?"

He heard Mark scoff as a nurse walked in, too bright and shining for his liking.

"Ah, you're awake! You gave us quite a scare there, Jack! If your friend hadn't brought you in, you most certainly would have died. My name is Emily, I'm just here to check your vitals so we can possibly get you out of here today!"

"We aren't friends." Jack stated, glaring at Mark as the nurse wrapped a cuff around his bicep. "He's my teacher."

"Oh? What do you teach, Mr. _Professor_?"

He heard Mark laugh fondly, and it made him squint his eyes. "I teach science classes at Striver's University but, I'm an engineer."

"Hm." Jack said, rolling his shoulder as she removes the cuff.

"Oh that's fun!!! And what are you studying, Jack?"

" _Pharmaceuticals_." He smirked at Mark, and Mark dropped his smile for an eye roll.

"He's a brilliant mind. He majors in _Astronomy_." Mark says, and Jack winces at the pride in his voice.

"Ah! Reaching for the stars I guess!" She giggles, taking his temperature. "So, I spoke to your doctor and you're gonna need to be under watch for a couple days okay? Just to make sure your mentally okay to return into the normal world. No stressful tasks and absolutely **no** drugs!" She smiled, removing the thermometer as it beeps.

"Watch? M'twenty six years old!"

"You're also suicidal, and that's standard procedure here. You can always opt out of it but, that just means you'll stay here a few more days!"

Jack huffed in annoyance as he relented. "Well, I live in a dorm so-"

"You can come stay with me." Mark said, and he didn't give Jack room to argue.

"Great! Your vitals look awesome! Much more stable than last night. I'll go get a few papers for you guys to sign and you'll be on your way in no time!" She smiles, waving goodbye as she leaves.

"How th' hell did you know I was passed out?"

"You called me at like, 2am." Mark said, crossing his arms and flexing in annoyance.

"Oh _shit_ are ye fuckin' serious?" Jack asked, and Mark nodded.

"Thanks for the compliment by the way."

"What?"

"You called me cute." Mark laughed, and Jack rolled his eyes.

"No i fuckin' didn't. Now _that's_ a lie."

"You totally did!" Mark laughed, and Jack groaned loudly as he chuckled.

"God m'a fuckin' mess." Jack says, sitting up further in the bed with a wince. "Why'd you even come help me?"

"I _told_ you I'd help you through this and you told me you wanted it." Mark shrugged, looking at the door as the nurse returned.

"Okay! I just need you two to sign these forms and you can be on your way today!" She smiled, handing them both a small stack of forms. "When you're done, I'll be back to take them to the nurse's station. Oh! And you can get dressed darling." She said, and Jack mimicked her smile.

* * *

  
Mark toyed with the radio in traffic, making occasional glances at Jack while they waited.

"Do ye need somethin'? Ye keep starin' at me."

"You just tried to kill yourself. Of course I'm watching you."

Jack laughed a bit, turning to face Mark as they sat at a red light. "Ye think imma jump out the car into traffic?"

"Maybe." Mark shrugged.

They sat in silence, the quiet lull of Everybody Hurts by R.E.M. filling the car, with Jack listening to Mark hum along.

"Why are ye tryin' so hard to save me?" Jack asked after awhile, peering out the window as the clouds moved in the sky.

"I'm a good person." Mark replied stoically, and Jack frowned.

"There's more to it than that. Tons of people at th' school do drugs. Helluva lot smarter than me. So why are ye so deadset on helpin' me?"

Mark shrugged again, glancing over at him. "You're special. You _want_ to stop, I can see it in the way you called me even when you wanted to die."

"I dunno _why_ I called ye, but it wasn't ta stop me. I didn't _try_ to kill myself. I accidentally took half the bottle."

Mark snickered. " _Accidentally_."

Jack shot him a Look.

"Regardless, you're very talented. I hear you play drums? Daisee is very talkative when you're absent."

Jack's face flushed slightly as he nodded. "Sometimes. M'not in a band anymore or anythin'. Jus'...somethin' to pass th' time."

"Do you want to give it up?"

"What?"

"Do you want to give up on drums?"

"No? Why would I?"

"If you kill yourself. That's you giving up on what you love." Mark said, staring at the road like it was the love of his life. Jack watched his hands grip the wheel tightly, and then his his eyes flickered up to look at him.

"Yer serious."

"Of course I am. I wouldn't take you to my apartment if I wasn't serious. You need help. And I'm going to help you since you won't get it your damn self."

Jack chuckled, looking forward to see a large building in front of them. "Okay."

Mark rolled his eyes as he turned off his car and got out, waiting on Jack to get out too before he locked it.

"Am I not gonna get ta go get clothes?"

"It's the weekend, and classes are out. I can let you borrow some of mine." Mark said, and Jack wanted to argue but he was too exhausted. He needed a drink.

Or two.

Or three.

Or a bottle.

"Jack?"

"Mm?"

"You zoned out. Is it okay that you just borrow some of my clothes? I'm actually pretty tired from being up all morning."

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Lead the way." He said, following Mark into his apartment as his fingers twitched nervously.

Withdrawal was gonna be a bitch.

At least it was only for two days.


	3. Black Keys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack is getting anxious, and Mark is questioning his own motives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just wanna say that in this chapter it comes off as if Jack is manipulating Mark into letting him continue his addiction, but that isn't the case. He's trying to reason with himself that if he has Mark, he doesn't need the pills. While he IS manipulating Mark, it's because he's figuring out Mark's intentions and wants to force himself to feel the same. 
> 
> Just wanted to clear that up beforehand.

Mark had gotten Jack a fresh pair of clothes and shown him to the bathroom because he had wanted to clean himself up a bit, and now he was pacing his living room, confused and scared.

How was he going to do this? How could he balance himself _and_ Jack for two days straight?

He scratched at his arm, absentmindedly digging his nails into his most recent scars to force himself to focus on the pain rather than his racing mind. He winced at the feeling, eyes squinting slightly as he let up his grip, staring at the blood under his nails.

He couldn't keep _himself_ sane, how could he keep up with them both?

_Oh Mark...what have you done? You're falling for him, aren't you?_

He walked over to the sink and washed his hands, rinsing out the blood on his fingers as he heard the shower shut off. He rolled his sleeve back down, taking a deep breath and running a hand through his fluffy hair.

_Deep breaths. Happy thoughts. You're just paranoid, Mark._

He exhaled again, harshly to keep himself grounded as his eyes flickered up to see Jack walking towards him. He was dressed in one of Mark's old t shirts that was loose on the Irishman, and a pair of sweatpants that hung from him like a clothesline. Mark's eyes raked him up and down before settling on crystal blue eyes, dulled a bit from all the pain they'd suffered.

"Did you wanna go back to sleep? We can wake up later and I'll order food." Mark said, and Jack shrugged. A bit of the drug was still in his system, so his body was functioning normally for now.

"Sure. Do ye have a spare room or do I need ta get blankets from ye?"

Mark had two options. He could be a _professional_ and give Jack pillows and a blanket to let him sleep on the couch, away from him, or, he could offer his bed to Jack and be _selfish_. Acting on his own motives. 

Mark was sick too. 

"Uh, actually, I can take the couch, if you're more comfortable in a bed. Mine is pretty soft I guess."

"M'not kickin' ye outta yer bed..." Jack whispered, and he almost sounded hurt that Mark would suggest it.

"It's fine really, I prefer the couch. Closer to the bathroom." Mark smiled, patting his tummy as Jack chuckled.

"If yer sure m'not puttin' ye out..."

"Nonsense. Go to sleep Jack, you need it."

Jack nodded as he watched Mark grab a blanket from his closet, then he padded up to Mark's room and closed the door.

He wondered if Mark had brought some of his pills to his house. If he did, they'd be in his room, right?

Or...had he meant he wanted to be closer to the bathroom so Jack wouldn't find the pills there?

 _Dammit_.

He walked around the room, opening and closing drawers as his heart raced a bit, but nothing good was found. He slammed the last one in anger and huffed, running a hand through green hair. He opened Mark's closet, pushing his clothes into a divide as he searched for anything that he could take...if he couldn't have his pills, he'd take _anything_ in their place. He found a nail against the wall, and around it hung a small set of black keys. He searched around for anything he could open with them, but came up short and closed the closet as well.

Jack sighed, flopping down onto his back on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

Well this wasn't working.

He pulled out his phone and began scrolling through instagram, and saw that Mark had been one of his suggested people. He raised his eyebrow curiously and clicked on his profile, scrolling down to see dozens of gorgeous photos of the man.

He also saw tons of photos of Mark and some woman, and that...didn't sit right with him.

Hm.

**Must be the pills.**

He shrugged to himself and kept scrolling to see Mark at various exhibitions and conventions, surrounded by people, famous or not, all happy to share photos with him.

A part of Jack _hated_ that. He didn't want Mark happy. Not if he couldn't be happy too.

He sighed and shut his phone off, standing up with a steady hand and heading back to the living room to see Mark still sitting up on the couch. He smirked as he crept up behind Mark, leaning into his ear and letting his breath caress the shell. " **TOP O' THA MORNIN' TO YA LADDIE**!" He screamed, and Mark nearly fell off the couch as Jack alternated between coughing and laughing.

"God _DAMMIT_ Jack!!!" Mark yelled, hand over his heart as he slowed his breathing while Jack still tried to catch his.

" _God_ yes that was everythin' I expected it to be and _more_!" Jack smiled, and Mark slit his eyes at him.

"Did you come in here _just_ to scare me?"

"Nope, but by _jaysus_ wasn't it grand?" He said, accent thick with teasing.

" ** _Amazing_**." Mark said sarcastically, sitting himself back up onto the couch.

"I thought ye were tired anyways?"

"I was, until you _screamed_ in my fucking ear. I was meditating."

"Ugh. Yer more pretentious than I _thought_."

Mark hit him with a pillow as he smiled.

"I was actually wonderin'...we could share yer room, right? Ye don't have to be out here."

"I just figured that you probably didn't want me around, right? Like, near you if you didn't have to be. Just because I made you stay here doesn't mean you _have_ to be nice to me, Jack." Mark exhaled, and Jack frowned behind him.

He grabbed the corners of his face and pulled up, forcing himself to smile, but it only dropped back down.

Why could he only frown?

Hm.

Must be the pills.

"Mark, I don't hate ye or anythin'. Ye jus'...yer tryin' to help a cause that ain't worth the pain it'll cause ye." Jack sighed, and Mark nodded without turning around.

"So you want me to sleep with you?" Mark said, voice gravelly with sleepiness and exhaustion.

Jack nodded behind him with an uncertain frown. He would do whatever it took to get Mark upstairs so he can explore some more while he slept.

Sure, Jack was tired, but he wouldn't need sleep if he found his pills.

"Yeah," He licked his lips, using his free hand to run through Mark's soft hair, and it sent tingles through his hand. "I want ye to sleep with me."

Mark hummed to those words, standing up off the couch, and walking around Jack without a word, and Jack knew to follow him.

As they made it back to Mark's room, Jack rocked nervously as he watched Mark get settled, then he sat in the bed himself, staring at his professor.

He was in bed with his professor.

He was barely dressed, incoherent, and in bed with Professor Fischbach.

" _Jaysus_ I'm a mess..." He whispered to himself, and Mark hummed.

Mark was a mess too.

"That, you are, Jack. But that's why I'm here. I want to help you, you _want_ to be helped, right?" He turned towards Jack, and Jack eyed his broad chest, and his heart fluttered a bit. Mark grasped one of his hands and massaged it carefully, smirking at the way his eyes hooded immediately. "Right?"

Jack only nodded, his body rushed with the overwhelming sense of nausea, he was hot and cold all at once, but he never said a word. He let Mark destress him.

He didn't need pills if he had Mark. Right?

Two days.

He could last two days.

Or he could find whatever those black keys unlock and get his fix.

He looked at the clock as he body began to quiver, his breathing was laboured but he kept a straight face.

Just a few more hours.

"Mark, ye should get some sleep. M'not gonna keep ye up any longer right now." Jack spoke, carding another hand through Mark's hair like it belonged there.

How had it come to this?

Mark said Jack was special. Was he special to Mark?

No. He couldn't be. And this was _wrong_. But he wouldn't stop until he could get his fix.

He listened to the small grunt coming from Mark, followed by soft snores as he stopped stroking his hair and slid out of bed.

He would find his pills.

No matter what he had to do.


	4. Escape The Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack holds Mark's dirty little secret against him. 
> 
> ***in this chapter there is the mention of self harm, but never the act. There is also mention of abusive relationships but there are NO HEAVY DESCRIPTIONS OF VIOLENCE, just a feelings Jam.***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, Jack is a little manipulative in this chapter, but only because he is going through withdrawal. That is not his actual personality in this story.

Mark woke up to the feeling of someone holding onto his arm, mashing down the flesh and causing him to scream in pain. He tried to snatch away, tearing his eyes open and staring straight into blue eyes.

"I found yer lil secret..." Jack said, and Mark glanced over to see his tool box open and exposed for the world to see. Razor blades and gauze, alcohol and tape, sitting in a small box next to a very _angry_ Jack.

"Jack I-" He was cut off as he winced in pain when Jack squeezed his arm again, frown cemented onto his face. He was angry, sure, but his body was shaking and his hands were sweating and he looked...sick.

"Ye do all this...high and mighty talkin' bout savin' yerself and look what yer _up to_." Jack mused, finally looking back into Mark's eyes and ignoring the drying blood on his hands.

"Did you go through my _closet_???" Mark yelled, finally freeing his arm from Jack's weakening clutches.

"I need my _pills_ Mark. I know ye have some here **WHERE ARE THEY?????** " Jack yelled, pushing the little box onto the ground as he demanded an answer. Mark wasn't afraid of him. He'd seen a person go through withdrawal before.

"Jack calm down-"

" **CALM DOWN???** Listen here ye fuckin' _hypocrite_ , ye better get me my fuckin' _pills_ or I'll get us _both_ sent to the crazy house do ye fuckin' hear me???" Jack screamed, pressing down as much weight as he could onto Mark's arm as Mark sat up and pushed him off, holding him onto the bed.

"Do you _hear_ yourself? Who do you think you _are_ threatening me??? I've been dealing with this shit for **years** and you have the **audacity** to call me a hypocrite? You _chose_ to do drugs Jack! I didn't _choose_ to be depressed!" He yelled, and Jack's breath was rapid, eyes wild, but he was listening.

"Get me. My _pills_." Jack demanded, and Mark squinted at him then got off of him, going into his bathroom downstairs and grabbing the stupid pills. If Jack didn't want to live, then he wouldn't make him stay anymore. But he damn sure wasn't going to let him die in his house. He walked back into the room and watched as Jack's eyes lit up at the bottle, smirking as he reached for it.

"I'll tell you what. You can have your stupid pills. But _I_ get to give them to you. In the proper dosage. When you get back to your dorm, do whatever the fuck you want. I won't stop you." Mark choked out, sniffling as he emptied two pills into his hand, opened Jack's palm, and dropped them in. "Fucking enjoy." He said, storming out of the room and slamming the door.

* * *

 

Jack sat there alone, holding the pills in his hand, trying to make a clear choice.

He _shouldn't_ take those pills.

_He needed those pills._

He can't be happy without them.

Doesn't Mark make him happy?

He makes Mark frown.

Mark was sad.

Jack sighed and gulped the pills down dry, flopping back onto the bed as a pained cry ripped from his throat.

He had fucked up, and he couldn't escape this time.

* * *

 

Awhile later, after his body had come back under control, he walked to the kitchen to see Mark cooking, arm freshly bandaged up but alot more bloody than before. He looked at his hands to see caked blood under his nails, gagging a bit at the sight. He walked to the bathroom, washing his hands thoroughly, then looking into the mirror and smiling.

That's better.

_Happy thoughts, Jack._

He walked back into the kitchen and sat at the bartop, watching as Mark actively ignored him.

"Hope you like stir fry." He said, and Jack only sighed.

"I'm sorry."

Mark grunted in response, so Jack got up and walked over to him.

"I'm _sorry_."

"What do you _want_ me to say, Jack?"

"Why?"

"Why _what_?"Mark said, and Jack flinched a bit at the tone.

"Why do you do... _that_?"

He heard a sigh as Mark turned off the wok, reaching up to get plates for them and never looking at Jack. "I've been depressed my whole life, Jack. I didn't just wake up one day and experience something traumatic, it was always there. I mean, the constant reassurance that I was and will always be nothing to anyone didn't help, but, the sadness _always_ lurked."

He turned to the drawers now, getting out forks as he pointed for Jack to get some cups.

"They tried prescribing me meds but, I wouldn't take them. I saw..." He said, finally turning to Jack while his back was turned then looking back down. "I saw what they did to people. I didn't want that for myself. So I took to cutting. My mom tried to get me to stop but...I guess one person is _never_ enough, right?"

Jack sighed, looking down as he whispered. "How long?"

"Since i was 13. I'm...27."

Jack inhaled at that, his head already shallow with dark thoughts and emotions being pushed down by the weight of the drugs.

"How long have you been...doing _this_?" Mark asks him, taking the plates to the dining room table with Jack in tow.

"I was datin' this girl my freshman year, named Hallie. She was...not a good person ta say th' least but, she liked me well enough. So, we dated fer a year and, she took me to this...this party." Jack began, taking a seat across from Mark like it was normal for them to be like this.   
Mark looked at him expectantly, fork pushing around his food.

"She convinced me ta try the pills, sayin' they'd take the edge offa tha stress I was feelin'. Me bein' a stupid...I should have known better but, I didn't wanna lose her. So i took two, and she praised me. Gave me reassurance that she would never put me in danger. I expected it ta be the only time but, once she had me once, she'd have me do it again...over the course of 3 years." Jack sighed, free hand playing with the hem of Mark's tshirt. "Then one day, I told her I wanted to stop...and she, she left me? I don't...I don't remember tha entire thing but, I do know I got tha shit beat outta me and pills down my throat."

"Jack...why didn't you _report_ it?"

Jack smiled and laughed at that, looking up from his plate. "Nobody would believe that a girl tricked me inta doin' drugs then kicked my arse and shoved said pills down my throat when I tried ta leave." He said nonchalantly, and he watched as Mark grimaced. They ate in silence for the rest of that meal, newfound respect and understanding was flowing through them.

* * *

 

After their meal, they stayed at the table for awhile, Jack watching Mark frown up like he was worried.

Did Jack worry Mark?

"Are ye okay?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah I'm...fine. How are _you_ feeling?" He asked, chocolate eyes shimmering with worry.

"I...I'm better." He nodded, standing up and walking over to the chair next to Mark. Mark looked up at him and stood, and they just stared at each other for awhile. Taking the other person in as they knew them now, just as broken and damaged as they were.

Then Mark hugged him, _really_ hugged him, and Jack smiled into his shoulder with a gasp as he hugged him back.

"I'm _sorry_." Jack repeats, and Mark nods.

" _Me too_."


	5. Civil Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark and Jack give into their worst judgements.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the tag for light smut is in reference to these next few chapters. Mark and Jack's relationship is borderline sexual, but they never explicitly have sex, because that isn't the basis for their relationship. Okay. Onward!

The rest of the day went by alot easier after that, with Mark and Jack playing video games on Mark's couch, telling each other random facts about one another while they battled.

"So, is this what ye do when yer not gradin' papers and such?"

"Yeah, that or either I'm reading articles about outer space." Mark smiled, pushing down the throttle button to pass Jack. Jack chuckled.

"Ye really love it don't ye? Space I mean."

"It gives me something to believe in, something beautiful to see everyday. I like to think of it as a...replacement for an actual relationship."

"Why? Yer cute enough, ye could easily pull anyone at that school or outside of it." Jack replied, eyes furrowed in concentration as they enter the last lap.

"Not alot of people really want someone with alot of emotion baggage. I just happen to be one of the people who _doesn't_ care."

"Well, now there's two of us." Jack smirked, and he glanced over to see the slight pink tint on Mark's cheeks. "How's yer arm?"

"It'll be okay. It's been alot worse..." Mark whispers, and Jack tenses for a second then relaxes.

"Hm. Well, m'glad yeh'll be okay. Can't really watch _myself_ ye know?"

Mark laughed as he rounded the corner in first place, cheering as Jack pouted.

"Ugh! Ye _cheated_!"

" _What_??? No I didn't!"

"Uh-huh! Yer a cheater!" Jack said, poking Mark's side playfully.

"Nuh-huh! You're just mad cause you lost!" Mark argues, poking Jack back and reveling in his giggle. "Oh. My. Gosh!"

"No _no_ , I _know_ that look! Ye get yer hands away from me ye bastard!" Jack yells, but doesn't move quick enough as now he's under Mark being tickled into oblivion.

It occurs to Jack that, as it stands, he is under his professor, in his home, being tickled like he belongs here. It feels domestic.

His heart warms a bit, and it makes his head spin as he laughs louder, trying to fight him off but careful not to hurt his arm further. "Ye stop bendin' that arm!"

"Awww you're so cute when you're concerned about me!" Mark mocks, then his face goes stoic with realization as he lets himself off Jack and clears his throat. Jack sits up awkwardly, half smiling half frowning, as he plays with the hem of the shirt again.

"Ye wanna head to bed?" Jack asks, and Mark scoffs quietly.

"Will you promise not to go through my things again?"

"Yeah," Jack reasoned, more with himself than with Mark. "Yeah I promise."

Mark nods and stands up to head to the bedroom, Jack following close behind.

* * *

 

They had no idea how they had ended up tangled in each other.

Mark had no idea when his hands had moved around Jack's waist, exploring the expanse of his toned stomach.

Jack had no idea when his lips had started touching Mark's bicep, leaving small kisses all over his tanned skin.

They had no idea how Jack had gotten his feet tucked between Mark's, enveloping himself in a personal space heater.

"Jack?"

"Mmm." Jack responded, too busy grasping Mark's hand and kissing his knuckle lightly as Mark left a kiss to Jack's cheek.

"This can't happen. We can't fall for each other. The school won't allow it."

Jack doesn't respond immediately, he just keeps revelling in the warm kissing being pressed to the side of his forehead, then his cheek, then his neck, behind his ear, on his collarbone...

"I won't let ye _lose_ yer job because I like ye Mark. M'not selfish, I just...I need ye to keep my habit to yerself as well." Jack breathes, kissing into the palm of Mark's hand easily.

"You need _help_ , Jack. I can't help you alone."

"I know." He replied, not leaving room for argument. "I'll...I'll try my best, okay? I really will."

"Hmm." Mark says, grazing his teeth lightly against Jack's neck, breathing in the shaky sigh he gets in response. Jack continues to kiss Mark's free hand and arm, caring for it as if it were broken like the rest of him. His other hand lay flat against Jack's stomach, tapping lightly.

"Jaysus...this would cause damn near a fuckin' _civil war_ if people found out..."

Mark sighs against Jack's skin, and Jack turns to him with dull blue eyes. He can see the drug coursing through him, and he wonders if that's the only reason Jack wants him here. "That's why they won't." He states, and Jack turns in his arms to kiss him properly, their lips meeting in a heated passion.

"This is a _mistake_..." Jack licks his lips and locks eyes with Mark yet again. He can see the doubt in them.

"Let's make it a good one." Mark replies, and Jack smiles, closing his eyes with one final kiss.


	6. Get Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack has a nightmare.

_"Mark?" Jack asked, feeling the lack of weight around his waist as he sat up. He looked around the room, causing his head to get fuzzy, rubbing his eyes. He swung his feet over the side of Mark's bed, stepping to the ground when he felt something wet on his foot. He lifted up his sole, and saw a red substance coating his entire foot as he looked down at the hardwood floor. Blood. "Mark? Are ye okay?"_

_He heard crying coming from down the hallway, so he steadied himself to investigate, ignoring the constant sound of his wet feet hitting the floor._

_"Jack...I'm sorry Jack..."_

_"Mark??? Mark where are you???" He yelled, picking up the pace as the voice gets louder and the blood gets thicker._

**_The bathroom._ **

_He sees the door is closed slightly, and the blood is pooled loosely around it. "Mark...?"_

**_Silence._ **

_He pushed the door open and nearly vomited at the sight in front of him. Mark, cut up and bloodied by his own hand, breathing shallow as he lay on the floor. Jack forced down his nausea and ran towards him, shaking him to wake him up._

_"Mark? Mark??? Get up! Get up!"_

* * *

  
"Get up!"

"Jack!"

His eyes snapped open to immediately see brown eyes. They belonged to Mark. _Mark was alive._

" _Mark_..."

"Jack? I'm right here, Jack. _Look at me_ , Jack." He heard, and he tried his best to focus on those brown eyes, even as he felt himself being pulled closer, smothered into Mark's chest as his breathing evened.

"Y... _ **Mark**_..." He sighed,wrapping his arms around his neck and breaking into a sob, pressing his lips against Mark's. Mark made a surprised noise, but then wrapped his arms around Jack's waist and held him close, even as Jack broke the kiss. "Ye were _dead_. Mark...don't die..."

"What are you talking about? Did you have a nightmare?" Mark asked, and Jack nodded, lips quivering through his tears and hiccups.

"Y....ye...razors... _ **blood**_..." Jack was incoherent and he knew it, so Mark just held him and kissed his forehead, mumbling reassurances as he continued to cry. Jack finally woke properly, sitting up in Mark's lap and holding onto his shoulders as the light poured into the room. "Ye had cut yerself up real bad...I couldn't save ye, I...ye wouldn't _wake up!_ "

"Jack, shhhh, I'm fine, okay? I'm not dead and I'm not bleeding okay? _I'm fine_."

Jack nodded as he ran his hands up and down Mark's arms, making sure he didn't look away from his eyes because he feared this was the dream and his nightmare had been a reality.

"C-can ye go get me...can ye get-"

"I'll have to put you down on the bed to get the pills, okay? I need you to calm down. Can you do that for me, Jack?"

Jack nodded as he let go of Mark, resting his back against the headboard and watching as Mark left. His heartbeat increased the farther away the steps got, and his eye began to twitch with worry. Not soon enough, the footsteps were back, and Mark had a bottle of water and two pills in his hand.

"Are you _sure_ you want these?" He asked, a look of both concern and hope in his eyes. Jack sighed and made a choice. He shook his head no, taking the water from Mark as he returned to his side. "Are you okay?"

Jack gulped down the water quickly, exhaling as he finished it in one gulp. "Y-ye m'fine. Jus'...that was _terrifyin_ '..."

Mark chuckled softly. "Yeah, nightmares are like that sometimes. You wanna get up and eat or cuddle some more?" Mark asks, and Jack thinks hard.

"If I help ye make breakfast can we come back here and cuddle while we eat? I'll feed ya!"

Mark full on laughs at the adorable offer that Jack makes and nods, "Yeah. We can do that. You ready?"

"As I'll ever be." Jack sighs as he kisses Mark's lips, and Mark swears he can still taste the faint bitterness of the pills on his tongue.

Mark says nothing.

He won't ruin this like everything else.

* * *

 

"Do you like omelettes?"

"I like food in general." Jack deadpans, and Mark rolls his eyes as he pulls out the ingredients from the fridge. Jack turns the heat up on the stove to the proper temperature and puts the skillet on top of the flame. Mark walks up behind him, placing a playful raspberry onto his face and making him giggle. "Stop it or I'll burn yer fuckin' apartment down on accident."

"On ' _accident_ '." Mark winks, and it's Jack's turn to roll his eyes.

They cook together with playful banter, stealing kisses and glances at each other in secret.

Jack hates that he will have to go back to school tomorrow. They _both_ will. And there, they can't do this.

They can't be together. They can't kiss. They can't cry. They can't cuddle or cook. Jack's throat lurches at how domestic they've become in three days. It _hurts_ that he falls so fast.

"Jack? What are you thinking about?"

"Tomorrow..." He responds, grabbing both their plates as Mark grabs their cups of coffee.

"What about it?"

"This has to end...dammit this shouldn't even have _started_..." Jack sighs, setting down the plates on the dresser as he turns to Mark.

"I know but...this is what we _wanted_ , right?" He replies, questioning himself more than Jack.

"I guess? I...I dunno. I jus', I _like_ ye but I don't wanna be with ye...not like this..."

Mark sits the glasses down on the nightstand, then sits down on the bed and pats the space beside him. Jack sighs and sits down, laying his head on Mark's shoulder as Mark massages his hair.

"Listen, I don't plan on us being a couple. It can't happen until you graduate, and we both know that. But can we keep _this_? This is working, right? I mean, your pills must not be working anymore since you refused them earlier."

Jack thinks deeply. Are they? He hasn't been able to tell for the past couple days if it was Mark's presence or the pills that was making him smile anymore. Then again, he had had a nightmare about Mark and the pills weren't helping now... _would they_?

Falling in love is hard.

Wait.

_**Falling in love?** _

"I dunno. Jus'...I'm content with this. No labels. Nothing. Jus-...a student and teacher."

"Hm." Mark said, caressing Jack's soft green hair as he sighed. He had no idea how he was going to get out of this mess. Now not only did he have to keep it a secret that he knew Jack was abusing drugs, he was _encouraging_ it, and he was _seeing_ him. He would lose his job for sure.

Now he saw why he had never fallen in love.

Wait.

**_Fallen in love?_ **

"Ready to eat then, _Mr. Fischbach_?" He heard Jack say, and he nodded against him and laughed.

"Of course, _Mr. McLoughlin_." He replied, kissing Jack's forehead and lifting off the bed to retrieve their plates, banking on his degree as an engineer as a fallback when this all goes to shit.


	7. Famous Last Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daisee needs to mind her own business.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This and the next chapter are going to be a bit rough on your feelings but, this is how life is sometimes with an unstable person. I swear the ending is happy though, this isn't clickbait x.x

Monday came faster than they'd liked, and Jack groaned tiredly as he and Mark's phones both went off at the same time. " _Jaysus_ make it _stop_..." He said, and Mark grunted underneath him as he felt around for his phone.

"Ya gotta get off me if you want me to turn the alarms off, Jack." Mark slurs, and Jack sighs, rolling back to his original side of the bed. He puts a pillow on his head for a bit because the ringing noise is not doing _anything_ for his withdrawal symptoms. Soon enough, the alarms stop and he feels the pillow being lifted away, replaced by wandering lips and hands.

"G'mornin' to ye too _professor_." Jack giggled, turning onto his back to face Mark head on. Mark smiled at him then kissed him again, and again, until Jack finally had to laugh his way out of another one. "We're _both_ gonna be late if ye don't stop. M'still pretty fuckin' spent from last night."

"Aw c'mon! One more kiss?" Mark says, and Jack can't deny those gorgeous eyes.

"Fine, but after we gotta sh-" He was cut off by soft lips pressed against his, his arms wrapping around Mark's neck in relaxation. Mark finally let up, leaving Jack breathless. "-ower."

Mark laughed and pushed himself off of him, heading to his closet to find them both clothes to wear.

"Yer clothes are gonna fall right offa me, ye know that right?" Jack scolded as a pair of jeans and a t shirt was thrown towards him.

"Is that a problem?" Mark smirked, and Jack scoffed.

"Now _yer_ a mess."

"Mmhm. I call the shower!" He yelled, gripping his clothes and running.

" _Very_ professional!"

* * *

 

Soon, they were in Mark's car, heading back to campus after a very long weekend. Jack examined himself in the mirror, making sure the reddened love bites on his neck and collar bone were covered by his freshly washed hoodie.

"Th' hell am I supposed to do about these ye animal?"

"I think they look great on you. I know I'm rocking mine." Mark rebuts, and Jack blushes as he thinks about them.

They pull up to the school and park, with Mark getting out before Jack does.

"Have a nice day, Mr. McLoughlin. Good luck." Mark smiled, and Jack smirked.

"You too Professor Fischbach. See ya at 11."

They parted ways just far enough for Jack to bump into Daisee, who looked utterly dumbfounded he was even breathing.

"Where the _hell_ have you been??? I've been fucking calling you _all_ weekend!!!"

"Oh, sorry, I was in the hospital and my cell was on silent."

Which wasn't a total lie. 

Hm.

" **Hospital???** "

"I overdosed." He shrugged, turning his back to Daisee as he headed to his first class. She ran up behind him, combat boots stomping on the concrete. He'd forgotten how annoying the outside world was.

"What the hell??? So you _were_ taking those pills again. Did you at least talk to Mr. Fischbach?"

"Yeah. I did, and I don't appreciate ye tellin' people my business an givin' people my fuckin' _drugs_."

"You're _killing_ yourself Jack!"

"So what if I fuckin' am?? How th' hell is that _yer_ business?"

"We're best friends Jack. I care about you."

"Well could ye care a lil less about me and a lil more about _yerself_?" He said, huffing and walking faster to his class, leaving Daisee in a confused cloud of dust.

* * *

 

His first couple classes dragged on, mostly with him being preoccupied with texting Mark on and off as he prepared for his own classes for the day.

Each day after school, they would meet up in the STEM building in Mark's lab room and go out to lunch, dinner, or sometimes back to Mark's. Their relationship was rarely sexual, it was mostly just heavy petting and deep kissing, using bites to map out each other's bodies and giving words of praise with the occasional blowjob here and there.

Waning himself off his drug had been hard for Jack, but he'd found a new addiction, in _Mark_. The doctors from his hospital visit had made him begin visiting a rehab psychologist, which he _obediently_ did because _Mark_ told him it would help. He'd become the teacher's pet he feared he'd be, and it was _killing_ him just like the pills did. But he wanted this, he wanted _Mark_ , and he would take him any way he could get him. 

* * *

 

Mark on the other hand was on thin ice. After he had helped Jack dump all his pills and delete all his drug related contacts, Jack had made him throw his entire tool box away. They had a trust between them, with the knowledge that the other could relapse anytime they wanted, but they _wouldn't_. As far as his job, a few teachers would ask him about his unusual disappearances after his classes, to which he would reply he had 'space stuff' to do. He knew it was wrong of him to spend so much time around Jack, but he couldn't help it. It was a bittersweet type of relationship, harmful and toxic in all the _right ways_.

* * *

 

"Jack."

"Yeah?" Jack asked, pulling his messenger bag over his shoulder in a rush.

"Dude are you okay? We haven't talked outside of Physics in weeks."

"Oh, erm, yeah I've just been really busy. Rehabilitation and all." He smiled, preparing to walk past Daisee.

"Is Professor Fischbach your sponsor or something?"

He turned back to her slowly, squinting his eyes. " _Excuse_ me?"

"You spend alot of time with him. I saw you two talking in the Admin building yesterday but, you're great at Physics, so you wouldn't need tutoring..."

"What are ye _insinuatin_ ' we're up ta then?"

"Are you seeing Professor Fischbach?"

Jack's heart dropped but he kept a calm smile on his face.

He could really use his pills right now.

"I see him every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday." He smirked at her, and she rolled her eyes.

"Jack. I know how you get when you fall for someone. You get all distant and focused, and _all_ your free time goes to them."

"You think I'm datin' Mark?"

" _Mark_? You guys are friends now?" She accused, and Jack didn't like her fucking tone.

"Even if we _were_ , ye need ta mind yer _own_ shit Daisee." He looked down at his phone, 1pm. "Now if yeh'll excuse me, I got somewhere ta be." He pushed past her angrily, trying his best not to cry out of frustration as he heads toward the STEM building. He and Mark needed to talk this out. **Now**.

* * *

 

He entered the classroom as Mark was erasing his board, dropping his bag on the ground and catching his breath.

"Hello Jack." Mark said, voice deep and lulling.

"Mark, this _needs_ to stop. People know."

"What?"

"Daisee asked me today if I was seein' ye."

"What'd you tell her?"

"Well, no of course."

Mark shrugged, turning to face Jack. "Then what's the problem?"

"Th' problem is this is too hard! Keepin' up lie after lie fer this just to be happy? It's not _werkin_ ' fer me anymore."

"Excuse me? _You_ suggested this. This wouldn't be happening had you not gotten hooked on those _stupid_ pills anyways."

"Ye kissed me just as much as I kissed ye if not **more**! I got the fuckin' hickeys to prove it! Mark...we **gotta** stop this...ye'll lose yer job..." Jack said, approaching Mark and leaning in front of him against the board. He watched as Mark sighed, taking Jack's hand and massaging it, eyes preoccupied by the floor.

"Does it really matter? I'm an engineer...I can find a new job..."

"But ye _love_ this one...I'd be selfish to take that away..."

"Jack-"

"Mark m'not lettin' this happen again, m'puttin' my foot down. We've made alot of progress together but...we can still progress on our own right?"

"I don't _want_ to..." Mark says, kissing Jack's palm as Jack snatches away.

" **Dammit** Mark listen to me! I'm fuckin' _**done**_."

Mark frowned at him, slamming his hands down onto the lab table.

"You can't just **walk** all over people who try to help you because you got fucked over, then **throw** to them to the side when you're done!"

"I can do whatever the _fuck_ I want. Yer not my fuckin' _boyfriend_ and yer not my fuckin' _ma_. So _**fuck off**_."

Mark stared at Jack for awhile, taking in his last look of those blue eyes up close. He exhaled, setting his marker down, and grabbing his bag.

"Okay, Jack. Okay. _You win_."

He backed away from Jack, turned towards the door and left, trying not to let his tears hit his face as he ran.

Jack stared at his hands, as if _they_ had betrayed him, and slid to the ground.

"What th' fuck have I _done_?"

 


	8. Falling In Reverse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack doesn't really feel like trying anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for heavy drinking and crying. He's really depressed guys. This will be the last sad chapter of this fic x.x

Jack forced his dorm door open, feeling sick with himself, cold, and alone.

It was disgusting how he'd let himself get so attached to someone, his _teacher_ nonetheless.

He rummaged through his drawers, searching for his hidden stash of alcohol, just for when he called himself trying to "quit" the pills. He found it and carefully sat against the door, head pounding with emotions as he eyed the bottle. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, thumbing through his music playlist to find the first song he ever listened to with Mark.

**Everybody Hurts by R.E.M.**

Maybe he should have taken that into consideration.

Maybe he was just sick and in love.

Maybe he was in love with being sick.

He took a shuddering breath and opened the bottle, music blasting as he took turned the bottle up for every time the word love crossed his mind.

For everytime he _didn't_ regret kissing Mark.

For everytime he _didn't_ regret cuddling Mark.

Talking to him.

 _Biting_ him.

 _Claiming_ him as his when he knew he couldn't have him.

He never even asked if Mark was seeing anyone.

Hm.

His body started to hurt, burning as he took more whiskey down his throat, sobbing in between the sensation.

He felt sick.

He hoped he got alcohol poisoning.

He desperately wanted his pills.

He wasn't one to drink anyways.

He slammed his head against the wall, hoping to draw blood as he heard a heavy hand on it.

"M'not fuckin' here," He slurred, slamming his head again as he turned his music up louder in time with his swigs. He heard the knocking again, his head pounding as he tried to ignore it.

Then the door was flying open, and Daisee and her boyfriend Connor were in his dorm room.

"Jack what the _hell_ is wrong with you???" Daisee said as Connor made an attempt to pick him up off the floor, to which he flinched away.

"Nothin', git _th'fuck_ outta my room." Jack slurred, going for another drink when the bottle was snatched out of his hand.

"Jack, you need to get up man."

"I _donwanna_." He said firmly, pushing Connor away from him as he scrambled on the floor. He crawled to his bathroom, head spinning as he lifted the toilet seat and vomited violently into it, his sobs echoing in the bowl.

_Why can't I love him..._

Another lurch of his throat, he can feel his bangs being held back by soft hands.

_Why can't I have him..._

He vomits harshly, his throat burning more.

He needs more Whiskey.

He needs his pills.

Maybe **he** should take up self harm.

He can feel a stronger hand patting his back.

"Why can't I _smile_ anymore..." He whispers, his vomiting continuing as his heart throbs harder than his head.

"Oh Jacky...what have you _done_ to yourself...?"

He sits up, making eye contact with Connor first. He sees brown eyes, like the ones he loves. He grabs at Connor, trying to make their lips meet, but Connor pushes him away, and he sobs again.

"Jack what _happened_?" Daisee demands, and he doesn't answer. He continues to vomit, wishing someone would hit him over the head with the bottle. His eyes get heavy with the lack of strength in his body, and he fights some more. Swinging and screaming, until he finally gives up and collapses onto the toilet, a strong hand caressing his back as he snores.

* * *

  
He wakes up in the morning, **unfortunately** , and he doesn't mind the blistering pain in his skull. At least he's feeling _something_. He notices that he's in vomit stained clothes, Mark's t shirt from weeks ago, and he's in bed. He feels _disgusting_.

He can't tell the difference.

He feels heavy weights on either side of him, turning left and right to see Daisee and Connor sitting up around him.

"Are you ready to talk now?" Daisee asks quietly, helping Jack steady himself as he sits up.

"No. I jus' wanna shower." He says, shrugging off her hand as he stands up unsteadily and walks towards his bathroom.

"He'll come around, Daisee." He hears Connor say, and he and Daisee scoff at the same time.

How about that.

He turns on the hot water, peeling off the sticky, whiskey scented clothes and climbs in the shower. He sucks in air as the scalding water leaves red marks on his skin, but he can't find it in himself to care. His body is hot to the touch but cold inside, and he lays his head against the back of the shower. He looks up at the ceiling, wondering why of all people, he had to fall in love with his _teacher_.

His _teacher_ , with the lovely brown eyes, the caring smile, the wandering hands, the sinful voice.

His teacher with the dark past, the overactive brain, the cutting habit, and the big heart.

A sob escaped him yet again as the water nearly burns through his skin.

Jack is indifferent.

Actually, he's not. He misses _Mark_ , and he knows this.

Jack also knows he could get him back if he wanted.

He may be a teacher's pet, but Mark was a pet too. Jack's loveable puppy, with the big pleading eyes he missed so much.

Jack retched as he leaned forward to scrub his hair.

Falling in love _sucked_.

One more thing for him to get addicted to.

Hadn't he relapsed enough already?

He washed his body slowly, and the touch wasn't the same. It wasn't soothing. It wasn't _Mark_ he realized. He sighed and turned off the water.

He was out of tears for now.

He saw that Daisee had brought him a new t shirt and boxers in, and he smiled lightly. Well, tried to smile. It wasn't as easy without Mark.

He slipped the clothes on, then exited the door to see Daisee and Connor taking his sheets off his bed.

"I'm...sorry." He spoke, and Daisee hummed.

"Jack you never drink. Even when you were with... _her_ , you never resorted to drinking."

Jack chuckled as he sat on the chair near his door, inhaling as he leaned against the wall.

"Love makes ye do _crazy_ shite."

"Go **talk** to him." Daisee said, dropping the sheets to the ground and looking into his eyes as she walked up to him.

"He doesn't wanna **see** me."

She smiled at him, running her hand through wet hair. Daisee was like his mother away from home. He loved her for that.

Why had he even pushed her away?

"He always wants to see you. He asks about anytime you're not in class. He asks about you when he sees you're not with me." Daisee soothes, and Jack keens at the touch. "Doing this every night won't help anything, Jack. We both know that."

He looked between Daisee and Connor, squinting his eyes. "I hate when ye two are right."

Connor chuckled and fit a new sheet on his bed as Jack stood up. "We know. And throw that shit in the trash." He said, motioning towards the nearly empty bottle of alcohol. Jack laughed and obliged, slipping on a pair of sweatpants in the process.

He had made his final choice.

He couldn't have Mark _and_ the drugs.

And he couldn't have Mark _and_ attend Stryver. _On campus._

"They offer math classes online, right?" He asked as they walked outside, his first real breath of fresh air as they headed towards the computer labs.

"Yeah, I think so. Why?"

Jack smiled as he looked up into the bright sky, the clouds were long gone as the end of the semester was this Friday, the beginning of the break. "I think I'd do better if I went to school online."

Daisee giggled as Connor laughed back at him. "Yeah. Me too."

 


	9. Mindless Self Indulgence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark is trying his best.

Mark was strumming frustratedly as the music flowed through his apartment. He'd played the track over 1000 times he figured, he was still no closer to playing it on his guitar.

Singing it...he could sing it very well, all the lyrics were settled in his head, dropping into his mouth as they were needed.

Then he heard a banging noise on his front door.

Why can't people just let him wallow in his pity alone? He'd cancelled his last week of classes, claiming he had no more material for them, just so he could stay locked up in his own house with his heart holding him prisoner.

_Why did he miss Jack?_

A knock.

Jack probably didn't miss him. He knew he didn't, he'd said he was _done_.

A knock.

He wondered who could be at the door, setting down his guitar carefully and sighing. He hummed the tune to himself, not glancing at the mirror in his hallway.

A harder knock.

He knew he looked awful. He'd probably lost a bit of his glow.

Knock.

He had bags under his eyes.

Knock.

His arms were more or less just as broken as before, he never really cared anyways.

A knock and a shout.

He realized that accent, but he couldn't quite match it up.

Well, he didn't _want_ to.

"Mark, _**please**_." The accent begged, and it was sinful in his ears. He'd heard that accent beg for him before, and it sounded just as wrecked as he remembered. Only this time, he knew it wasn't out of love.

Was it?

He opened his door, weak and forgotten, to a ball of breathing and green fluff, starving blue eyes glanced at him with the hunger of a village.

He'd really had no appetite lately himself.

" _Mark_." Jack breathed, and he forced himself to look up. He knew once he did, it was over.

He caved.

He locked eyes onto Jack, and licked his lips with desperation.

"Yes?"

"I...I think I'm in _love_ with ye." Jack muttered, and for all it was worth, Mark knew he meant it. Mark wiped his eyes with one hand, door wide open still as Jack stood in the heat, body only covered by a tshirt, sweatpants, and those fading love bites Mark left as a reminder he'd always be here if he wanted him.

Maybe _Mark_ was the addict in this all.

"Are you sure?" Mark found it in his voice to say, and he soon felt lithe arms around his neck and lips pressed to his, and he couldn't find himself questioning Jack anymore.

He **loved** Jack.

Jack **knew** that.

So Mark kissed Jack back, arms wrapped around him lightly as to be wary of the gauze. Instead of the bitter taste of pills he was expecting, he got the faint taste of Whiskey on Jack's tongue. His pulse raced with the overwhelming sense of love and shame.

He loved that Jack had been hurting without him.

He deserved it.

And so did Mark.

He pulled Jack into his house, slamming the door with a free hand as he put Jack back on the ground, effectively breaking their kiss.

"I've been learning a song on guitar for you."

Jack smiled, really smiled, and Mark felt like he needed to turn off the lights.

"I'm takin' my courses online next semester fer ye."

Mark's entire face glowed at that, and Jack bathed in it. He kissed him again, with newfound fervor and glory, but then broke away, as he remembered he forgot something. 

"Hey." He said, lifting Jack's teary eyes up to his by his chin.

"Aye."

"I think I'm in love with you too." He breathed, and with that, Jack knocked him back onto his couch, kissing him fervently, biting him roughly, claiming him as his.

Mark's hands roamed all over his body, moaning as he was learning things all over again.

It was like _Mark_ was the teacher's pet.

He had so much to _learn_ from Jack.

* * *

 

Jack on the other hand's mind was cloudy as he finally got his hands on Mark. It was warmer here for him inside than it was out there alone.

There was a silent deal between them. Just like always, they knew the other could break it, but they wouldn't.

Hopefully. 

"I want to hear the song." Jack breathed, and Mark looked lost for a second. "Ye said ye were practicin' fer me. I wanna hear it."

Mark nodded as Jack lifted himself off, sitting down on the couch properly as Mark went and got his guitar and took his seat again.

"It won't be perfect."

"I love imperfect things." Jack smiled, and Mark captured his lips again before starting.

_"Been around the world and back this year_   
_Told myself I wanna face this fear_   
_But I don't think I can stand on my own_   
_He's got eyes like spring, legs like the summer_   
_Everybody says he looks just like his mother_   
_But I think he wants that left alone..."_

Jack smiled as he recognized the song, humming along with Mark as he let the music fill the apartment. It was much better this way, together.

Unplugged.

_"Sometimes I can't help but say_   
_I'm falling in love and it's scaring me_   
_It came to me in a dream_   
_Now all that's left is our empathy_   
_But this is just the life I ordered_   
_One step back and two steps forward_   
_Sometimes I can't help but say_   
_We're making history"_

Jack laughed as Mark leaned into him, watching as he looked up the lyrics to **Around The World and Back by State Champs** , awaiting the female part of the song while he let the instrumental fill him from the inside out. Mark opened his mouth to begin singing again, but Jack cut him off, singing, albeit badly, but he knew Mark wouldn't care.

_"Been around the world and back this year_   
_I never wanted ta be so sincere_   
_I'm not a hero or a saint_   
_But don't push me away_   
_When ye believed in me it brought us together_   
_Everybody says that it won't last forever_   
_Close yer eyes, don't cut the ties, it makes sense"_

Mark glowed as he sang, giggling at how overdramatic he was being, and joined in with him for the chorus this time.

_"There's too many ways to say goodbye_   
_But it's quite the opposite this time"_

Mark began, and Jack sang with him. Filling the room with love instead of hate, all rushing and fervor gone as they simply enjoyed each other's company.

_"Sometimes I can't help but say_   
_I'm falling in love and it's scaring me_   
_It came to me in a dream_   
_Now all that's left is our empathy_   
_But this is just the life I ordered_   
_One step back and two steps forward_   
_Sometimes I can't help but say_   
_We're making history_   
_Our history"_

Mark strummed one last time, not even bothering to finish the song as he kissed Jack again, then looked into those eyes he thought he'd _never see again._

"Are you sure."

Jack nodded, tears falling from his eyes as he nodded quickly. "I promise. I donwanna _think_ anymore... _Mark_...make me _**stop thinkin**_ '."

Mark grinned as he sat down his guitar, picking up his boyfriend bridal style, and carrying him into the bedroom as he showers him with kisses.

He guessed Jack missed him after all. 


	10. A Perfect Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> R u s h e d

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this ending :* comments are welcome!

"This better go by fast. I got _shite_ ta do." Jack says, frowning as he taps his foot nervously.

"You can't rush an appointment, Jack." His boyfriend said, chuckling at his impatience.

"But I wanna go home and cuddle ye..." Jack pouted, and Mark placed a kiss on his forehead with a laugh.

"Jack McLoughlin and Mark Fischbach?" The assistant said, and then stood up, hand in hand as they followed her to the room. "Dr. Prince will be in to see you all in a second. Good luck." She gives them a polite smile and closes the door. They look around at the other people in the room, and Jack is nervous all over again.

"I donwanna do this I change my mind!" Jack says quickly, trying to pull away but Mark firmly pulls him back down.

"Jack. We had a deal. You _promised_."

Jack sighed, slitting his eyes and about to argue when the door reopened and he shut his mouth.

"Hi Jack, Mark, my name is Dr. Prince. It's nice to finally meet you two after all this time. Hello everyone!"

"If _someone_ would stop calling and cancelling our appointments, then we would have already been in here." Mark accuses, and Jack lays back, crossing his arms and huffing.

"Well, we can start with introductions. Tell me about yourselves. What brings you here?"

"Well, um, I'm Mark. I'm a teacher at Stryver University, and I'm also an engineer. I'm not married but, I have a wonderfully stubborn boyfriend named Jack, and I wouldn't trade him for anyone else. I'm here because...well we both need a little help, a push if you will, to get better."

"Ah, I saw in your file that you have a history of self harm? And you were diagnosed with manic depression? You were also prescribed 3 different medications, yet you refused all three. Would you like to explain why that is?"

"My sister used to do drugs. She...she would come home and pop whole bottles at a time and...one day, one day she didn't come home. One day she didn't come home." Mark took a shuddering breath, feeling Jack put a comforting hand on his back to calm him. "They found her body in an ally behind a club...said she had a heart attack before she even died." He sniffled, and Jack held onto his arm, stroking it as his whispered praises in his air.

"Was that before or after you were diagnosed with the depression?"

"Right after...i've been dealing with that my whole life but...that definitely made it worse."

She nodded and scribbled onto her clipboard, then looked up at Jack expectantly. "And how about you? Why are you here, Jack?"

Jack glared at for a second, then looked into those big, puppy dog eyes, and sighed.

"Fine. I'm Jack. M'an online student, and I'm an intern at RASA. I'm also not married, but I have a very persistent and handsome boyfriend, and he's all I've ever needed. M'here because I am- well, I'd like to say _was_ \- addicted to pills. I wanna get better...fer us." He finishes, sighing as he lays on Jack's shoulder.

"Thank you for sharing Jack." She says, moving on to the next person in the room.

* * *

 

For the most part, Addicts Anonymous went well. There were more couples there than Mark and Jack had expected, but everyone was very nice to them. Afterwards, they meet with everyone officially, getting comfortable in their surroundings since they planned on staying. Once the appointment was over, they said goodbye and got in the car, but Jack noticed Mark wasn't driving.

He looked distant.

Jack didn't like that look.

"Mark? Is something wr-"

* * *

 

" **Iwantyoutomoveinwithme**." Mark exhales, face completely red. Jack blinks next to him and shakes his head.

"What?"

"I want...I want you to live with me. You're leaving campus right?" Jack nodded. "Where were you planning on staying?"

"I dunno...wit' Connor?"

"Oh." Mark said, immediately sagging his shoulders. "That's okay. I'm sorry I-"

"I like it."

"What?"

"The idea. I like it. Livin' wit' ye."

"Really...?" Mark said, as if he was walking on thin ice. He felt like it. Like at any time he could fall through, back to his lonely apartment.

 _Without_ Jack.

"Really. I want...I wanna move in with you." Jack says, and Mark pulls him into a deep kiss.

"Now?"

Jack smiled at him, finally feeling comfortable enough to _kiss_ him. _Hold_ him. _Feel_ him with no guilt.

"Right now."

Mark squealed happily and started the car as Jack leaned out of the window, blue eyes shimmering in the sun.

He may be a teacher's pet.

But Jack was indifferent.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are always welcome! Help me improve my writing please x.x.


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